Not-So-First Class on United

One of the perks of my work-a-day job is that every so often, under very  special circumstances, I get to fly First Class. Today (Sunday) is one such occasion. My very sweet and thoughtful coworker got us booked in First because we had to fly on the weekend for an 8:00 a.m. Monday morning meeting in Philly. (There are at least five things in that last sentence that I hate with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns.)

So, ever the dutiful vegetarian, I made sure to order my meal ahead of time. I mean, what a boon! You actually get fed in First Class, instead of eating out of a $5.00 cardboard snack box. Yippee-yahoo, right? NOT. I got the saddest excuse for a vegetarian meal I’ve ever been served. Some boiled cauliflower and carrots with brown rice, a mound of sliced almonds (I shit you not) and a ladle of marinara sauce on the side. WTF? I’m not a fucking rabbit! Give me some goddamned food! And don’t even get me started on the freakin’ carob-chip cookie they offered as desert. Peeps—I didn’t order cardboard. I ordered vegetarian. Mama wants the real chocolate for fuck’s sake.

Thank God for the free wine. That’s all I’ve got to say.

Airlines of the world, listen up. Vegetarian means “skip the meat,” not “skip the flavor.” Sliced, blanched almonds were never meant to be center of the plate. And carob? Well carob is just gross.

(Deep breath.) Rant over. Okay. Back to my free wine.

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4 Comments

Filed under Major Coin, Rants

4 responses to “Not-So-First Class on United

  1. OMG … my worst airline veggie meal story ever was when I flew to Toronto on Air Canada on a ridiculously early flight. High over the Rockies, something like 7 am, they start bringing out the breakfasts. Everyone else is getting some sort of egg mcmuffin thing, which smells great (though mind you, I have no delusions of it actually tasting good). I thought, ok, I’ll get something similar sans bacon, right?

    Well, as I pulled back the foil on my “special” meal, I discovered a monstrous slab of steamed tofu with three flaccid spears of asparagus limply draped over. I mean, it would have been less than appetizing at any hour of day, but 7 am? Nauseating.

  2. Oh, and by the way — try ordering “Asian Vegetarian” or Hindu as your special veggie meal — they’re usually better.

  3. That’s a really great idea. I should try that next time. Though, my next First Class opportunity is going to be on Virgin Atlantic Upper Class. I have high hopes!

  4. Anne

    I’ve tried ordering the “asian vegetarian” or other choices before, but I still end up with stuff like the tofu (my experience has been on domestic flights, mostly United — I’ve seen that marinara sauce cup and carob cookie many times). It’s been explained to me that they default to the vegan, because that satisfies the criteria of all the different vegetarian options, and limits the number of different meals they have to put on the plane. Which makes sense from an operational standpoint, but then why even act like you offer other choices?

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