One of the perks of my work-a-day job is that every so often, under very special circumstances, I get to fly First Class. Today (Sunday) is one such occasion. My very sweet and thoughtful coworker got us booked in First because we had to fly on the weekend for an 8:00 a.m. Monday morning meeting in Philly. (There are at least five things in that last sentence that I hate with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns.)
So, ever the dutiful vegetarian, I made sure to order my meal ahead of time. I mean, what a boon! You actually get fed in First Class, instead of eating out of a $5.00 cardboard snack box. Yippee-yahoo, right? NOT. I got the saddest excuse for a vegetarian meal I’ve ever been served. Some boiled cauliflower and carrots with brown rice, a mound of sliced almonds (I shit you not) and a ladle of marinara sauce on the side. WTF? I’m not a fucking rabbit! Give me some goddamned food! And don’t even get me started on the freakin’ carob-chip cookie they offered as desert. Peeps—I didn’t order cardboard. I ordered vegetarian. Mama wants the real chocolate for fuck’s sake.
Thank God for the free wine. That’s all I’ve got to say.
Airlines of the world, listen up. Vegetarian means “skip the meat,” not “skip the flavor.” Sliced, blanched almonds were never meant to be center of the plate. And carob? Well carob is just gross.
(Deep breath.) Rant over. Okay. Back to my free wine.